So far, so good. I could totally get used to this new gig.
The children went back to school this week and Drew went back to work. So this has been my first real week of SAHMdom since Fall 2006. It's like riding a bike, really. I have managed to find my way back to yoga pants and the daily pony tail with great ease. Only this time, it's like having a much better bike.
My work sitch has gotten a bit more complicated. None of that has been as black and white as I was anticipating. Basically, I wasn't laid off although it sort of seemed that way. Instead, I was converted to a contract employee. So work didn't exactly just disappear. instead, I am still checking in regularly, checking voice mail, checking email. It all comes through on my iphone all day long and, mostly feels like kind of an interruption to my day.
I certainly have the option of calling them up and saying "thanks, but no thanks" and just be done with it. But I don't want to do that either. Just because I'm not earning a salary, I have the opportunity to continue working and earn more commission on the placements I make. I'd like to keep that option open. No sense in burning bridges. Plus, with the current state of the economy, I think they are sort of counting on me to do that. What I can't commit to is 50 hours a work each week for no money.
They see this as a temporary arrangement. As soon as the economy picks back up and agencies are hiring again, they intend to get everyone back to salaried jobs and everything proceeds as it did before. The thing is, I'm not really interested in that. This thing with work has allowed me to step back and take a look at what our life has been like for the past two years. It has been barely managed chaos. I knew it all along, but it has become abundantly clear with a bit more perspective.
My husband has been a champ about stepping up to fill in the gaps, but I am not married to a multi-tasker. He'd readily admit to that. His mind works in a completely linear fashion. He starts one thing and continues with that until it's done. Then he starts something else. That means that a lot has fallen through the cracks. We've been walking in the door with the kids trying to cram hours of stuff into the space on an hour and a half. And important things get lost-dinner and catching up and reading and baths and snuggle time and all of it just can't be done if they are to actually get enough sleep so their little bodies aren't dragging all day.
Just this week, I've been able to get BoyChild from the bustop each day and do activities with him. I can set him up with an apple and watch him do his homework. He has clean clothes in his drawer each morning. We can go to the playground and run and swing and I have time to hear about his day. GirlChild can have her hair braided in the morning and there's time for her to sit on my lap and let me hold her silently for thirty minutes which is what she loves (me too). These little things sound so obvious and mundane, but unless it was the weekend, they weren't happening much. Most of my time was spent telling them to "hurry up" or "spit spot." I am working on eliminating those phrases from my vocabulary unless completely necessary.
So even if my boss called me tomorrow and said, "Ok, never mind. Come back and we'll pay you and it will all be like before," I would not be interested. This is where I need to be.
But after some back and forth with her, some conversations with Drew and much thought, I have decided to go into the office one day a week. This will allow me to keep my foot in the door, to not feel guilty about what I'm not doing at home, to check in with my colleagues occasionally , and still use my brain a bit. I'll wait until traffic dies down so it takes me a half an hour to get there instead of an hour and a half. And since I'm contract, I can leave whenever I want to. Drew can work from home those days so there's no difference in gas money or childcare.
I'm hoping this will be the balance I've been craving. Maybe.
And the other days of the week, I am managing this house and this family, which I really think I'm good at. I have been working out every day and eating clean. I swear, this is gonna be the year I get hot. The phone guy is coming out tomorrow to hook up our wireless Internet connection. I have been on the phone with the insurance companies and our investment guy and have been calling moms to arrange play dates with BoyChild's friends. I have sewn on his cub scout badges and am caught up on laundry. I know, I know. Yawn. But it's this kind of stuff that totally gets me off.