jubyred

Some People

Gail, my mental health professional, told me on Saturday that sometimes spending time with some people with "issues" is like visiting a war zone. 

She explained that children who live in war-torn countries don't know any other way of life.  They are seen playing outside their ramshackle huts as bombs are going off overhead and houses are exploding all around them.  Still, they run and laugh and often don't seem fazed at all.

The term for this is accommodation. The children have accommodated to this way of life because it’s all they’ve ever known.  This is normal to them.

For ten years, I feel as though I’ve been looking around at some people wondering why no one is noticing the jets flying overhead or the bullets flying.  Feeling like the bad guy for pointing it out to an otherwise content clan. Wondering why no one says it out loud.  Wondering why some people are so damn angry all the time. 

And yesterday, finally, Drew had the courage to say it out loud to some people and to say he will take no more of it.  He has made a decision to care for himself and our family in a way I didn't anticipate, but have been hoping for for years. 

I hope it helps.  All of us.

 

Another Day, Another Mental Crisis

I saw Gail, my mental health professional today.  I had gone out last night with the girls and had sooo much fun.  Oh, how I love those girls.  They almost had me convinced to fly to Mexico with them next weekend and even offered to buy my ticket.  Now those are some good pals.

Anywho...I woke up on MM's couch and started wondering what in the hell I was going to discuss with Gail, my mental health professional, because I was feeling pretty mentally healthy.  I've wondered lately if I even need to be seeing her at all now that my hormones seem to have regulated and I'm not hearing the jungle drum beating* quite so often. 

The question of what to discuss was on my mind when I called home to Drew in the car on the way to my appointment with Gail, my mental health professional, and BINGO!  After a three-minute conversation with him, I had a whole slew of things to discuss with Gail, my mental health professional.

As it turns out,  Drewhad one hell of a night without me.  The family stress continues to mount and is really taking its effect on him.  What effects him, effects us.  What effects us, pisses me off.

And that's all Gail and I discussed.  She had lots of terms for what was happening with them.  Fun psychological terms like:

intermeshment
triangulation
boundary issues
circular causality
anger management problems
some people centric-ness

She thinks I should bring Drew with me next week instead of waiting the usual two weeks and coming in solo.  It must be serious.

* I stole that phrase from Anne Lamott becuse she decribes my brand of insanity better than anyone I've read.

thanks...

...for Drew getting a clean bill of health in the ER yesterday.  I have no idea what's going on with him and his body but something ain't right.  I strongly believe it's stress related and has something to do with some people, but I'm keeping my mouth shut for now.

He called me from his parents' house and said he was going to the ER, that he felt light-headed and had a pain going down his arm.  He said he felt nauseous at work and had to have someone drive him to his folks' house because he was worried he might pass out.  When he got there, his mom suggested she drive him to the hospital where GirlChild was born to get looked at since he was not feeling better. 

Lacking childcare as always, I got the kids packed up and rushed to meet him there, an hour away (but I made it in 40 minutes).  He was lying in a hospital gown, but looking fine.  BoyChild wanted to explore the room.  GirlChild wanted to cruise around.  Drew's mom was there with him and said she'd take the kids home with her.  I told her I'd call her with an update.

They ran a battery of tests and nothing came back that concerned them and that was that.  Within a few hours, he was feeling normal and we went to his folks' house to get the kids. 

The good news is, it's not a tumor, he does not have cancer, he did not have a heart attack or a stroke.  They ran every possible test on him yesterday including a cat scan and tons of lab tests and everything looked a-ok.  The bad news is, I think it's something more insipid and much harder to deal with---

Duh-Duh-Dummm!...family issues.  I have long kept my mouth shut, but when my husband ends up in the E fucking R, watch out, 'cause I'm on the case.  Enough is enough.

He is home with us and seems totally normal and perfectly fine, and for that I'm grateful.

Some People

Here’s what I wish:
1. That some people would just say what they mean instead of dropping hints and insinuating anger like some sort of toxic vomit that the rest of us have to clean up or endure.
2. That some people would realize that we are all adults and choose our own actions.  It’s not my fault if someone doesn’t act the way you’d like him to.  That’s his responsibility and it’s yours to ask him about it if you don't like it.
3. That some people would stop asking me about what other people think, feel, do, want, struggle with, or dream about.  Ask them.
4. That when they do ask me and I answer them, they would remember that they asked me and now I'm telling them what I think.
5. That some people would stop assuming other people are the same person twenty-five years later.
6. That some people would stop thinking other people should act and react the same as them.
7. That some people would give us just a bit of credit that we can assess situations that we see in person better than someone who lives very far away.
8. That some people would relay important information to us without the implied shaming hand-slap for us not knowing it first.  Is the goal to tell us what’s up or give us a lecture on not knowing before you?
9. That everyone would tell everyone the same information instead of special information for some people who just end up using it against you that they know and you don’t.
10. That some people would figure out where they’d like me to be.  I’m tired of crossing the imaginary lines some people keep drawing and redrawing
11. That some people would stop inflicting their crap on us like spoiled children who have a right to act however they want just because they are angry, hurt, disappointed, or annoyed.
12. That all these little chats among some people behind the backs of those who need to hear it the most would cease immediately
13. That I was out of the middle of all of this
14. That some people would stop for one second and realize that this was going on way before I came on the scene
15. That some people would realize that this is neither my responsibility nor my fault.
16.  That some people should ask for what they want instead of waiting around to get it and then being pissed that no one read their mind.

Some People

Some people need to treat others like adults and consider establishing some boundaries.